Saying Goodbye

I've been putting off this post for some time now. Writing, deleting and rewriting. Nothing I put together really seems to suffice or accurately depict what I'm feeling.

We had to make the heart-wrenching decision to put Emmy down.

I'll tell you now, if you're not a dog person, or ever had a pet that you consider your own, then you surely won't understand where I'm coming from.

Just over a year ago, Emmy was diagnosed with cancer. It was after we had left for the Bahamas, and I had traveled home for a work event. During that time, I took her to the vet as her leg had swollen. It turns out it was cancer, and she was given roughly six months. We were crushed.

But as the months passed, Emmy stayed strong. She had a rough day here or there, but we could hardly tell a difference when we were home for Christmas. We loved on her like crazy when we were home for those short six weeks - savoring every evening snuggle, every walk, every stuffed animal she tore apart.

Saying goodbye was beyond hard. I had gone through the same thing when I left her in August, but had to dredge up the strength to say goodbye again.

The six month mark came in February. Her leg had increased in swelling, but she showed no significant signs of slowing down. There came a time in March where she strained her leg, and we thought that would be it. But sure enough, Emmy bounced back again.

We came home in April over break. Again, we loved on her, and cherished the time we had with her. It came time to say goodbye, and I know we both hugged her a little tighter that last night we were home. Saying goodbye all over again. It didn't get easier as we didn't know if we would see her again.

And then I came home again in September. Emmy had been having a rough few days and was put on some different medications, but she still seemed to bounce back. She couldn't handle the long walks anymore, so Matt's parents would take her on car rides instead. She was certainly spoiled!

The cancer had started to spread to her lymph nodes. But her appetite and personality didn't really suffer. I didn't pick her up until my last week at home as I was traveling back and forth between Indy.

I picked her up on Saturday. She ran out of the house and straight to me. She rolled onto her back and had me rub her belly. It was the same routine we shared for years when I would come home to her. 

Saturday passed and Sunday passed. We took it easy, but we were both just comfortable being together again.

Then Monday morning came. 

The tumor on her leg had turned bright red and started bleeding. She was panting heavily. I could tell she was uncomfortable, in pain. Then she looked at me with those pleading eyes. If you knew Emmy, you know she could tell you exactly what she was thinking with her eyes. She was ready to go. And it completely broke my heart. 

And so the conversations began. Not only was it the hardest decision to make, but Matt was over 2,000 miles away. We had the conversation before, that we never wanted Emmy to suffer, to be in pain at all. That we would need to make the decision for her, not out of selfishness for us wanting to keep her here.

It had come to that point. She wasn't our fun-loving, sweet, sweet girl anymore. She was in hurting. 

Emmy wouldn't let me get near her bleeding tumor, so the only thing I could do to try and make her comfortable is to lay towels down for her to lay on. That night, I 'slept' at the wrong end of the bed, so I could be close to her, and make sure she was ok throughout the night. She slept more than I did as I savored the sweet sound of Emmy snores.

The next day came, and I was dreading what was going to come next. Emmy wouldn't leave too far from my side, giving me those pleading looks all morning. 

I tried to get some good pictures with her, but she has the uncanny ability to avoid the camera. So this is all I got at first.

And then I resorted to bribery. Her favorite treats worked wonders into fooling her into looking at the camera.

Then it was time. Matt's dad went with Emmy and me.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to stay with her the whole time. But when it came down to it, I couldn't walk out of that room when she needed me the most.

We said goodbye to Emmy that day. I held her and comforted her. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. 

Now we have a small crack in our hearts. I never considered Emmy just a pet. She was our family. She was a vital part of our day to day plans, our holidays and our every thought. 

One of my favorite Emmy stories is when Matt lived near campus. It was a house full of boys, so you can only imagine the overall cleanliness - or lack thereof. And of course, there were mice. Well one of them died in Matt's room and you can only imagine that smell. Then one day, Matt came home and walked into his room, and Emmy was sitting there wagging her tail with this mouse corpse laying in the middle of the floor. She presented it to Matt, and was so proud of her gift to him. Matt on the other hand wasn't quite as pleased.

She always knew when we were getting ready to leave. She even planted herself inside Matt's suitcase when he was packing for a trip. But when we would come back, we would most definitely get the cold shoulder. She'd sit near us, but with her back to us saying, "I'm glad you're back, but I don't want you to know that." 

And then of course all the times that I was sick or just had a bad day, Emmy was there to just lay her head on my lap just to let me know she was there, too. The time that I broke my ankle and foot, Emmy didn't leave my side for weeks. She hurt for me, too.

There are times when I wake up and still feel for her at my feet. I long to feel her face rub up against mine, and for her to jump up and just snuggle next to me for the evening. 

Matt and I are so grateful for the wonderful care she was given by our families and vet while we were gone. I know that is how she survived as long as she did.

I also like to think Emmy was waiting for me to say goodbye. She wanted my blessing to go, and wanted me to be there for her. This alone breaks my heart even more.

I was glad I could be there for her, but it was incredibly hard.

There was so much you can learn from a dog. The unconditional love they demonstrate is something to be admired. So for now, we are taking the lessons that Emmy taught us and enjoying the memories of the laughs she gave us.

We finally realize that she adopted us long before we fully adopted her.

Emmy

I've been dreading writing this post.

As you know from reading before, we had taken Emmy in to the vet for some tests due to a swollen leg. We got initial results in, but we needed to do another test to get more specific details.

Emmy after her second surgery.

We didn't get the news we hoped for. 

The swelling is actually a cancerous tumor.

 

The news broke our hearts.

She has about 6 months on average. 

Our poor Emmy...

I got Emmy in 2008 when I needed her the most. She is the most wonderful friend. And more than a pet. 

We adore her. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do.

As of now, she doesn't appear to be in any pain. She's still chasing squirrels and eating normally. So we just need to be prepared as things progress.

Being here has had its ups and downs. But this is very trying for Matt and I both. 

To be here, when we both miss her terribly, and want to be home with her more than anything. 

But we are thankful for our many supportive friends here, at home, for a caring vet and for the wonderful memories we have of Emmy.

The next few months will surely be difficult. 

But say a little prayer for Emmy and a prayer for peace as we take on these challenges. 

Emmy Update & Another Tropical Storm

I am exhausted. After spending a fun-filled four days in Indy for the staff retreat, I am back in Shipshewana. Oh Shipshe, I never thought I would be so glad to see you.

However my allergies, I'm not glad to see them again. They apparently have missed me, because they are back with avenges.

Indy was great. I am beyond thankful to have gotten to be able to go. It was exactly what I needed. Seeing my coworkers, old friends and more is all I wanted.

Sheila and I came back on late last night. We made it just in time to have dinner to celebrate Grandpa's birthday. Happy birthday, Grandpa!

Then I finally got to be reunited with my Emmy! She was so happy to see me, and believe me, I was beyond excited to see her. Her incisions are looking good for the most part. She's not able to reach the one on her back, but she can get to the one on her neck. I think they've started to heal because she's started to scratch. Which is not good!

We had to get a little creative with this one. A cone of shame wouldn't work, because she can still reach it with her hind leg to scratch. So we got some wrapping tape and covered her in it the best way we could.

Check out the attitude in the second photo. She was not amused by any of this. Especially the picture taking.

If you look closely, you can kind of see the swelling on her left leg. However, most of the swelling is in the back. 

The tape didn't work as well as planned, so we put her sweater on and made a trip to the pet store. The pet store had these little rubber booties that feel like little balloons. I thought I should give those a try, hoping that will help to keep her from scratching.

So far, so good. She hasn't taken the booties off. And she hasn't been able to scratch her incision again. Down side, she is not very happy with me. Don't let the photos fool you. The only reason she looks happy is because I was hiding a treat - Greenie Dog Bones - her fav! Poor pup deserved one.

The story got funny when the poor girl tried to walk in her booties. After she was done glaring at me,  she tried to start walking. But she would bend her leg up all the way and then step back down. Too cute, too funny, and a little pathetic.

Don't worry though - I got it on camera. It got better the more she walked, but you get the idea. Poor girl!

Whatever it takes for her to heal.

Anyway, I just have a few more days left in the U.S. before its back to the Bahamas. I leave for Chicago on Monday, and then fly out Tuesday morning. I should be in Freeport late afternoon.

That's IF Tropical Storm Leslie doesn't ruffle the plans. Yes. Leslie. For those of you who don't know, Leslie is my boss's name, too. Ironic? Maybe that's her way of keeping me in town. (Not that I'm complaining!) :)

I've had enough of this hurricane season. I'll stick with ice storms.

Matt has another quiz on Monday, and has his first big test on Friday. Start sending positive thoughts his way!

Home Again

Sorry for the delay - but in case you were wondering, I did make it home! On time! Just in time for that matter. I'm pretty sure if my flight was later Saturday, I wouldn't have gotten home on schedule.

That's not to say it was a smooth flight. The flight from Freeport to Miami was a blast. And by blast I mean terrible. People were screaming. That's no exaggeration.

It was my first turbo prop experience.

And I won't even go into detail about the U.S. Customs Agents stopping boarding and going through our carry-ons and luggage right on the tarmac.

But I got there. And I got there safely. I guess the rough flights just make the normal turbulence seem minor.

I did sit next to a nice gentleman from south Atlanta who knew of Shipshewana. He even worked in the area. What a small world.

And on the Miami to O'Hare flight I sat next to a man who flew out from the Dominican Republic. I asked him how Isaac treated that flight. But he said the drive was actually worse. The roads are right next to the ocean, and the waves were so high, he thought he was going to be swept away. Scary stuff!

Overall, the flights were fine. But I am much happier with my feet on the ground.

After a joyful reunion with my parents, it was off to pick up Emmy dog. I think she was just as excited as I was! Oh how I've missed her. I feel so much better just being around her again. Leaving her just pains me in ways I didn't think possible for a dog.

The weekend was left with family time. I got to give Landon his souvenir from Uncle Matt and me. Landon LOVES coconuts. So we got him a coconut that was turned into a piggy bank. I gave him my Bahamian change to start off his bank.

He gets that look from his mother. (Just seeing if you're really reading this, Sheila!) We had some family lunches, and I got to visit my family at Emma Mennonite. It's always so refreshing to go home.

Monday we took Emmy in to the vet as her left leg had swollen dramatically. Unfortunately, today she had to go under so they could remove a couple of lumps, take some x-rays and get a sample of the tissue that is swollen. Needless to say, I feel like the worst dog mom in the world. I leave her, finally come home, then send her to the vet while I am in Indy today, so I couldn't even be there for her surgery. I'm glad Grandma and Grandpa Miller are there to take care of her, but I still feel awful. Hopefully she'll get to feeling better soon. I know she's in good hands at the vet and at home.

This trip home as been exactly what I needed. It's so wonderful to be at home, be in the office with my coworkers, and just fully enjoy the comforts of the U.S. (including a good fountain Dt. Coke of course.)

So I'll be in Indy until Friday, and then back to Freeport on Tuesday. I do miss my husband!

Hurricane What

TWO more days till I get to go home. Two. However, if you're watching the weather down this way, it may be a fun trip. Mr. Isaac is assuring to make this trip more eventful than I would hope.I know he's still a Tropical Storm right now. But he'll be a a hurricane soon enough.

Here's the most updated forecast at the time of the post. Just so you know, my flight leaves Freeport on Saturday a.m. I fly to Miami and then arrive in Chicago at 12:30 p.m.

So, here's hoping Isaac slows down till I can get my flight out. I don't think my nerves can handle this very well. So prayers for a safe, turbulence free, anxiety free flight would be most appreciated. And maybe a tranquilizer. 

I am so excited to go home, and I will not be fun to deal with if I can't get home. Not that I want to travel in the hurricane just to get home when it's not safe, but you know what I mean.

So, here are a few things I'm looking forward to at home! Friends and family are a given. 

• EMMY!!!!!
• McAlisters. Lets be honest. If you know me at all, you could have easily predicted that to be at the top of the list.
• Any type of Mexican food. There's no real Mexican food here that I have found. And I miss some chips and salsa. 
• Driving. 
• A real fountain Dt. Coke.
• Some Starbucks.
• Being surrounded by people all day!

By looking at the forecast, it's supposed to be 90 degrees at home. Still warm, but I'm sure the humidity will be less. I've managed to fill my suitcase with items that I'm not planning on bringing back - things such as clothes we won't need, souvenirs, etc. That way, I can fill that suitcase with items we will need down here. Don't worry - I've already got a list for that. And I'm trying to figure out how I can smuggle Emmy down.

Matt has specific instructions on what to do while I'm gone. Here's hoping he won't be eating ramen all the time. Or chicken in a bag on that note. 

Funny side story - I had him pick up a few items from the grocery on his way home from campus yesterday. (The grocery is right next to campus so it's quick and easy for him to stop.) I asked him to get a few food items that he could cook in case we lose power for a few days. He shows up with a six pack of coke and a bag of chips. CHIPS and COKE. I guess he's right in that you don't need electricity or refrigeration for those. Oh my - I love my husband. And I hope that Rachel is there to watch out for him while I'm gone... 

So that's all as I probably won't post tomorrow. Unless my flight gets delayed. Then I'm sure you'll hear from me. And it won't be pleasant.

Whirlwind

What a whirlwind this last week has been! I have a feeling this next week will be worse, though. Five more days. Five. Wasn't it just November when we got the call he was accepted? I would say we had a few things going on in the past few months to make the time pass quickly - hint: THE wedding!

But yet, we are down to our last few days at home. It's been wonderful to spend this time at home and soak up as much family time as possible. And I fully plan on taking advantage of the next few days, too!

So, as I said, this past week was a whirlwind. And you get to see it all - with plenty of pictures to make it all the more interesting.

Tuesday - otherwise known as my birthday for those of you wondering - was fantastic! I started the day with a birthday cinnamon roll. YUM!

Matt and I had lunch with my grandparents, Sheila and Landon then spent the afternoon in the pool. (Thanks Aunt Pam!) It was the first birthday I've been able to spend with my fam for awhile. My parents arranged a surprise dinner and had a few of my favorite people over. Emmy even got dressed up for the festivities! Doesn't she look great?!

Matt and I also took the time to give Landon his going away present from us. (Yes, I can find any reason to spoil this kid.)  So we got him nothing other than an adorable Build-A-Bear! We named the bear Otis.

For those of you who don't know, Otis was what we affectionately called Landon before he was born. Thankfully, Sheila and Chris decided not to keep the name in its entirety. 

We also got him Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. It was both Matt and I's favorite books when we were younger. 

I think it's safe to say he liked it!

Wednesday I had a birthday dinner and shopping date with my Uncle Kevin. Thursday, Matt and I went to Sam's Club with my grandparents to stock up on some necessary bulk items to take with us. After several $$ later, we stopped by Hacienda, too! Friday was the infamous ice cream supper with dad's side of the family. And Saturday, we had one last large family get together before we take off. Matt's parents, and my family all gathered together at Grandpa's house for a delicious meal.

Just look at our handsome chef!

And our dessert... Grandma's peach pie and Truffles cake? Mmm mmm mmm!

And then Landon and I enjoyed some camera time. Have I mentioned how much I love this kid?!

He cheesed with Grandma...

And Dad and Benson played...

Good night? I'd say so..

Outside of the family get-togethers, Emmy has been enjoying her runs with Matt again. Just look at that face after coming in from a run.

And to leave you on a funny note, Matt accidentally sat in some water. So I went to snap a picture, and got Emmy in the middle of the act. Oops!